


Whatever it Takes

by therunningpen



Category: Black Widow - Fandom, Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: F/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), romanogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 17:38:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19339351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therunningpen/pseuds/therunningpen
Summary: Post Avengers Endgame: Steve tries to do the impossible with Sam and Bruce's help. Because he needed to try, they had to try, she deserved that at the very least.(This is for the romanogers fans out there)





	1. To Honor Her

“Hey. How long are we gonna do this?” Sam whispers to Bruce with his rarely used tone of urgency.Bruce is half listening, busy checking the equipment on the walls of the space enabled quinjet.

“ It should have worked, theoretically, with the reality, time and soul stones it should have worked. The logic is there.” Bruce’s words are meant for himself, to convince himself he was right because reality was telling a very different story.  
  
“Bruce. it's been 30 minutes for god’s sake. Someone needs to tell him, or he’s not going to stop.”  
  
“ Dammit. We should have brought Shuri, maybe if we go to Wakanda right away they can…”  
  
Sam grasps Bruce’s bicep tightly and his attention is forcibly taken off the medical equipment.  
  
“They can what? Resurrect her?”  
  
Bruce looks down in defeat, and the only sound that can be heard is the loud beeping noise coming from the cardiac monitor that designates a patient has flat-lined.  
  
“Yeah, last time I checked THAT wasn’t a thing. And THAT wasn’t the plan. Besides you know exactly why we couldn't bring Shuri. The risk was too high. This was a hail mary at best, we all knew that going in and we had to try, but we need to call it. For Him.”  
  
Sam nods his head toward the muscular man behind him, as Steve continues to do chest compressions and mumble desperate pleas.  
  
“Nat, come on, don’t do this” the sounds of him pressing up and down on her chest interject his desperate words.  
  
“You’ve … you’ve gotta meet me halfway here.”  
  
“Come on, dammit. I never meant... not this...  not like this. “  
  
“God,  I’m so sorry.  I should have… I didn’t ….”  
  
“I just need you to come back, dammit, just come back. For me, please?”  
  
“Please, God, just please.”  
  
Sam approaches and places a hand on Steve’s shoulder.  
  
“Steve.” Steve jumps at the interruption and looks over to his best friend, realizing he forgot the two other avengers were in the room with him.  
  
Steve looks to Sam and sees his melancholy expression. Sam shakes his head side to side.  
  
“No.” Steve panics in a way he never has before.  
  
“NO, not yet. I can do this, we can do this. She’s there I can feel it. Just, give me more time. We’ve come this far.  I-I can do this all day. As long as her blood is pumping and we’re breathing for her, sh-she’ll be okay. Right, right Bruce?”  
  
Steve looks to Bruce, and Bruce wont --no can’t make eye contact.  
  
“She- she can’t be. She, she’s right here… right here in front of me.”  
  
“I know, but remember we agreed. Before we came here, we all agreed that if there came a point where we needed to call it, no matter how painful it would be, we would. This was a long shot in the first place and we decided that if we could in the very least bring her home to honor her, for her funeral, this mission would be considered a success, it would be better than not trying at all.”  
  
Steve has stopped the compressions. Listening to the horrific truth in the Falcon’s words.  
  
“We only have a small time window for this and it’s closing soon. If we don’t make the quantum jump soon, we won’t make it safe home. And if we all don’t make it home safe, then this is all a waste. It’s time.”  
  
Steve nods his head in acknowledgment. And turned his attention back to her still form.  
  
“Can you give us a minute?”  
  
Sam and Bruce go to exit the main cabin of the quintet. Bruce turns off the sound of the machines on his way to the front of the shop, while Sam casts a lingering expression of concern.  
  
“We’ll be in the cockpit if you need us. We have 30 minutes until the jump.”  
  
Once alone, Steve was drowning in his thoughts. His eyes dance over her still body. God, even now, she was beautiful. He reaches to tuck a stray strand of crimson hair behind her ear.  
  
“ I-I don’t know where to start. Where do I begin to tell you how much you mean to me. I didn’t realize how, how important you’ve become. I—“  
  
Steve lets out a breath with quivering lips. Trying to keep it together, then a cynical chuckle escapes.  
  
“ I guess I really am predictable, huh? First Peggy, now you… You would probably make fun of my age about now, something like you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. ”  
  
He never told Peggy he loved her, he was too late before he had sacrificed himself into the ice. And now he’s beginning to understand the pain Peggy must have went through being left behind. Because he was yet again too late, to tell the woman he loved what she meant to him. Steve takes a deep breath and musters the courage to bare his soul to her.  
  
“Nat, you are undoubtedly the strongest, and most inspiring person I have ever met. You make me a better version of myself and I’ve come to depend on you. Working with you as partners, as best friends has been the biggest blessing in my life. When we first met, I never told you this, but my life… my life was nothing before I met you. I had nothing, no one. Until you came along and we became the backbone of the avengers. Training Wanda, Sam and Vision together, we really complimented each other in the best ways.You always pushed me and everyone around you to be better, even if it hurt you. You supported us all, in the shadows, a thankless job, anticipating everyone’s needs before we even knew we needed something. God, you are just so damn brilliant. And after the accords, while we were on the run… I can honestly say I’ve never trusted anyone more in my life. Even Buck. I never would have survived those years without you by my side.Hell, I dare say I have come to treasure those years. It feels so wrong without you here. I guess what I’m saying is:  
Natasha, I love you. For all that you are and with every fiber in my being. I want to thank you for all the good you brought to my life and to everyone around you, despite the obstacles that came with it. I will absolutely never forget you because you are my everything.”  
  
He kisses the top of her forehead and lets go of her hand that he was subconsciously holding, resting it across her abdomen.  
  
He’s almost nearly ready to stand, but can’t bring himself to.  
  
“ I know this… it might be useless at this point. But, I have to say one more thing.”  
  
He blows out a slow breathe.  
  
“ I’m sorry.”a choked sob escapes his lips and tears start to trickle down his cheeks. “God, I’m so sorry.” He takes a deep breath and hardens his face.  
  
“ I shouldn’t have said... on the bridge. I was—it was so stupid. Whatever it takes?”  
  
“What was I thinking!?  We… don’t... We shouldn’t  trade lives. We weren’t supposed to trade lives. You never would have been so reckless with your words. It—it wasn’t worth the cost. The price we paid was too much…the price I paid... it’s too damn much. ”  His tears have turn angry and he feels his clenched fists break skin on his palms.  
  
He turns his gaze away from her and into the floor, with guilt-stricken features. Unable to look at her corpse at longer, he kneels next to the cot, grasping the sheets beside her body attempting to calm his anger. After a few moments, he changes positions resting on his elbows and his hands wringing together in a prayer like fashion. He readies himself for a confession that he knows will haunt him for the rest of his life, but he owes her at least that much.  
  
“I’m sorry..” He brings his forehead to his hands as the painful words fall out of his mouth.“I-I asked you to pay the ultimate price.This-you-it’s my fault and I’m so sorry, for that. You deserved so much more than this.”

The only reply he gets is a deadly silence which fills the room.


	2. " A Soul for a Soul"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and the soul stone, this chapter is told in Natasha's point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of speculation out there regarding what goes on while trapped in the soul stone. This is my spin on it. A dream-like inception kind of existence. Comments welcomed, please & thank you!

**Chapter 2:"A Soul for a Soul"**

  
  
I can feel the moment my soul is ripped from my body. It’s like getting the wind knocked out after falling off the monkey bars for the first time. A tight feeling deep in my sternum, almost as if my heart was torn out of my chest.  
  
All that’s left now is a shred of the little girl that once stared back through the mirror in a ballet studio, leotard and all. With my identity shook, my eyes can hardly process what is in front of me, they’re blinded by a flash of forgotten fairy-tales.  
  
_Is this ... Is this what love feels like?_  
  
My brain is trying to catch up, trying to make sense of its current reality, make sense of the emptiness that I feel in my chest but all it's getting are error messages.  
  
_No…it couldn't be that. I was never meant for that. There’s no place for it, no place for me in this world. Love is for children._  
  
And yet, I blink my eyes open to find him there. Down on one knee, capturing my hand like a delicate flower, and looking at me as if I am the world.  
  
“Nat, Will you marry me?”  
  
My chest tightens and I can’t find my breath.  
  
I swiftly break eye contact and begin to search for anything but his blue eyes, because if I don’t my heart will surely explode. I'm so overwhelmed, it's dizzying. My mind quickly finds the distraction it seeks, a sound coming from far off in the distance, I don’t recognize it’s source only that it’s a long shrill beeping noise. But that distraction is fleeting as I feel his strong hand squeeze my fingertips.  
  
“Nat? Are you with me?”  
  
“Huh?” I start to turn back to him, but that feeling in my chest comes back tenfold… forcing my eyes shut.  
  
**“Nat! Stay with me,come on, dammit!”** My face wrinkles in confusion, the urgent tone and words do not make sense and are stark contrast to his previous words.  
  
“What... what did you say?” I whisper in disbelief as my eyes open and the pain flees. Everything appears calm, quiet, almost surreal. He’s moved to a standing position and has both of my hands in his. My hand with the diamond ring on it.  
  
“ I said are you with me? You spaced off there.”  
  
“S-sorry… I thought I heard something.” I can’t take my eyes off the decorated finger. And catching my breath still feels nearly impossible.  
  
His hand goes to my hair to tuck a piece behind the ear and his hand lands on my cheek, cupping my face so that my eyes reach his. My knees suddenly feel weak.  
  
“I promise, I will make you the happiest bride. Whatever it takes.”  He leans in and kisses me with soft lips, I feel a chill run down my spine.  
  
“whatever... it ...takes” I mumble, repeating the words which feel oddly familiar. Abruptly, the pain and dizziness come back with that loud beeping sound flooding my ears. And suddenly I feel gravity tilt and I am sure that I'm falling.  
  
Falling fast, and falling far.

My body recognizes the feeling and everything comes back.  
  
_Thanos, the infinity stones, Wakanda, the quantum realm, and ...Vormir._  
  
My heart breaks for what feels like the 100th time and the pain in my chest suddenly makes sense.

_So this is what love feels like, for someone like me._

The only solace I have are the words of conviction that Steve gave us before the mission, "whatever it takes".  
  
Just as I'm sure my body is about to impact on the deepest depths of Vormir, I feel my eyes snap open and my lungs fill with air.


	3. The Value of a Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile in the cockpit Bruce and Sam debate the ethics of their mission.

**Chapter 3: The Value of a Life**

In the front of the quinjet, a tense silence fills the cabin.

“It’s the right thing to do.” Sam firmly states.

“Huh?” Bruce snaps his head up from his computer screen toward Sam, questioning.

“Nat wouldn’t want us to keep her alive or whatever she is with those stones, if she’s not alive, alive.”

“No, I mean yes, you’re right. It is the right thing. I just can’t stop thinking about what I missed. From a scientist’s perspective. My research findings on the stones with Dr. Strange, the information from our work concluded it was fool-proof. The time stone would bring back her body, undo the injuries from the fall, the reality stone combined with the soul stone would connect her soul back to her body, and create a suspension of life until we could get her heart started. We just, we just needed a simple electric shock, and…. Maybe if we get Thor.”

“Bruce, stop.”Bruce glances at Sam, taking his eyes off his research.

“Can’t you see how unnatural this all is? Don’t get me wrong I want Natasha back, but at what point…at what point is this wrong? Where do we draw the line?”

“We all knew what this mission was going in, and we agreed to keep it secret for a reason.”

“There could be consequences, you heard that wizard guy. He wanted nothing to do with this mission.”

“Like side effects? It’s very possible.” Bruce considers the possibility.

“I’m not talking about a headache here. What if it’s not _HER_ that comes back?”

“Who else would she be?”

“Y-You know like a zombie or something!”

“Zombies? Really Sam? There’s no such thing. And my research shows…”

“Stop with the science crap, it’s not perfect, it can’t predict everything and you out of anyone should know how risky what we are doing is. How the life we are fighting so hard for may be better off left at peace.”

Bruce didn’t have a response to that insult and decides to go back to finishing the preparations for take off. Starting with triple checking the Pym particles and the engines of the quinjet so they would make it home safely.

“I’m going to get Steve” Sam starts to walk towards the door.

“You know, she never questioned the value of my life or any life for that matter.” Bruce softly reminisces.

Sam stops, while grabbing the door handle but doesn’t dare turn to face Bruce.

“I--I know... I’m sorry. I-didn’t mean... that was cruel.”

“Do you though?...Do you know? She fought for every life no matter how small, insignificant, or even monstrous that life was. And she never batted an eye at what the consequences were.”

Sam blows out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Sometimes, I think that’s what made following her and Steve so easy. On our first Op together, we needed to get information from this politician that Hydra had under its influence. So Cap and her take him up to the top of this roof, and Cap asks the guy what we need to know and threatens to throw him off the roof. The guy calls Cap out on his bluff, says it's not Captain America's style,” a chuckle escapes the falcon’s lips as he remembers a far away time before he continues, “ And you know what Cap says, ‘You’re right, it’s hers’ and Natasha kicks him right off that roof, without even blinking. Of course, I was there to fly by and grab him, but I don’t think I’ve been that terrified of a woman so--so relentless, so breathtakingly fearless.”

“She knew there was a life at risk, and that made it worth it to her. Because wherever she came from, whatever happened to her before the avengers, they told her-- no convinced her that her life didn’t matter, that she was a monster and therefore didn’t matter. But somewhere along the line she learned they were wrong and she made it her life’s mission to prove they were wrong.”

“Yeah, between her, being her and Steve’s pep talks…I would have followed those two through the pits of Hell. Becoming an avenger was the easiest decision back then.”

“And what about now? Is being an avenger still an easy decision?”

Sam chooses not to answer and pulls the door open, re-focusing his attention on his current mission. Mentally preparing himself for the difficult task at hand, because deep down he knew that Natasha would want him to keep Steve in check, put him back together and help him move on. No matter how difficult that was going to be.


	4. See you in a minute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve remembers Nat

Steve found his mind wandering to the moment he found out she was gone. One minute Tony and him were back at the U.S. army base where he was made in New Jersey and the next, they were transported back to the bridge. He still couldn’t believe that he and Tony had pulled the impossible off. Then, he heard Bruce’s voice to his right,  
“Hey where’s Nat?”  
Steve looked to Clint’s face. He didn’t think it was possible for Barton to look anymore broken than he had since he lost his family in the Snap, but now he realized how wrong he was. Barton fell to his knees and tears continued to trail down his cheeks. Steve felt time freeze and his brain struggled to process the new information.  
Then, suddenly Barton is rising from his position and grabbing Steve’s collar.  
“This one is on you, CAP.”  
Huh?  
“Mr. Morality,Too good for goddamn anyone, Captain Fucking America.”  
“Clint,”  
“No-don’t you dare interrupt because I am only saying this once. We got to vormir and this red creature shows up out of nowhere and says to get the stone we had to trade a “soul for a soul” that was the price and you know what she said? Your words, Steve, she said “whatever it takes” … your fucking words! and She willingly sacrificed herself for this stone, fought me with every tooth and nail to jump off that damn cliff. I- I tried to stop her, but she didn’t… she never understood… she truly thought she didn't deserve a life, didn’t deserve a family. Her last words were “it’s okay”. As if-- as if her life was so obviously dispensable. And that-- that it was “okay” that someone made her feel that her life was so meaningless that it was “okay” for her to die!?”  
Steve is shocked into silence… not fully realizing the accusation being made until his next words  
“And I know I’ve been gone, but fuck man, once I put the pieces together I almost couldn’t believe it. You, Cap, it was you who made her feel that way. She was too fucking good for you. And now she’s fucking gone.”

Steve’s blood had turned cold. Mind reeling on the information. He conjured up his most recent memories of her. After infinity war, things were different between them, the grief from that big of a loss divided them. He was angry with the world, he had given his life to being an avenger and all it came with was pain, all his suffering summed up to zero or less than zero Zemo could argue. He was fed up with throwing his life away with all the fighting. What did they even accomplish as avengers? Did they really make a difference? Ultimately, they were coping in different ways, he needed space from being an avenger and was working with his support groups in the city. Helping in a new way, a way that honored the memory of Sam. On the other hand, she was holding together the remaining avengers. Their opinions on the avengers were different at that time...but he cared deeply for her and continued to stop by to make sure she was okay. Sometimes he would even suggest she stopped, but her response was always admirable...  
“I used to have nothing. Then I got this. This job... this family. And I was... I was better because of it. And even though... they're gone... I'm still trying to be better.” tears brimmed on the edges of her eyes as a smile crept across her lips.   
‘I think we both need to get a life.’ Steve was begging her to let go, to move on with him. Begging her to stop living this life that would only ensure suffering.  
“You first.” the rejection stung, but he swore would be there when she was ready. 

And now it’s too late. He should have done more for her. He should have told her how he felt about her. But he was hurting, hell the world was hurting. It never felt right after the snap...the timing, but now everything felt so unbearably wrong.


	5. Far From Okay

**Chapter 5: Far From Okay**

In the dead silence of the main cabin of the quinjet, tiny cold fingers found their way around Steve’s wrist.

His eyes open wide like saucers, his hand begins to shake, and he’s unable to look, unable to breathe, out of fear that he’s hallucinating.

“D-Did someone say they’re looking for a refund?”

He turns to his head sideways to look and sure enough green eyes are glimmering back. Steve chokes on a painful sob, tear tracks evident on his face.

“N-Nat?”

Her face remained white as a ghost, but green orbs stared back at him.

“Something about the price being outrageous.”

her voice is scratchy, but her lips quip into her signature smirk. He let out a laugh, but it sounded more like a sob. And brought his forehead to hers, feeling each of her breaths escape her lips. And in that instant he vowed he would be selfish for her, he would do whatever it takes to make up for lost time. Whatever it takes to convince her just how valuable, how priceless she was.

“Steve…” she dared to whisper. Astonished by how wrecked he was. He buried his head in her lap and let out the rest of his tears, while she managed to run her fingers through his hair.

“Hey soldier.”

“I—” Steve was interrupted as Sam entered the main cabin. He froze at the sight ahead of him.

“My God.... Banner get in here!” Sam shouted to the front and the Hulk quickly appeared.

“What’s… She’... oh wow. Yeah let me take a look here.” Banner began connecting machines that verified what they all knew, she was alive.

 

* * *

 

Steve was constantly learning that no matter how much experience he had in saving the world, he was still so naive. He thought once he had her back everything would be okay, back to how it was before, but in this line of work... nothing is ever that simple.

Or in her words “We have what we have when we have it.”

He found himself unable to sleep the first night she was back, his emotions taught and mind racing. He tried resting next to her in bed, but it was far too soon for him to see her lying unconscious. Once he was sure she had fallen asleep, he closed his eyes, only to flash back to the moment when her found her on Vormir. All he could see was her body lying lifeless with blood pooling under her fiery hair on the ground of Vormir.

Steve’s eyes flung open in panic, only to see her lying with a very similarly stillness next to him and he lost it. Steve jumped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom. His heart pounded in his chest, sweat trailed down his face and his hands were shaking uncontrollably. He barely made it to the toilet before the contents of his stomach climbed its way up his throat. Steve’s body was responding as if he were right there at the time of her fall—no her jump to her death, her sacrifice.

“Fuck” he muttered as he whipped his mouth and sat on the floor of the bathroom, back resting against the wall.

“Maybe tomorrow.” A voice came from his left. Her voice.

“Steve?” Her eyebrow quirked up in concern after getting no response from the soldier. Steve let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as she made her way closer.

“Everything alright?”

“Ye-ah, I’m okay.”

“Looks like much hasn’t changed while I was... away.You’re still a terrible liar.”

The uncharacteristic pause she held before “away” did not go unnoticed by him… the careful tiptoe around traumatic words like death or suicide. Steve hung his head between his legs.

“So that’s what we’re calling it, huh? “Away” Like you went on some goddamn vacation?”

“Let me rephrase that, you look like hell. Talk to me.”

Steve let out a deep sigh.“I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to...”

She smiled at him reassuringly,“ it’s okay.”

And Steve’s mind quickly recognized the phrase, the same words she said before she… his stomach lurched for the second time that morning as he emptied more bile into the toilet bowl.

“Fuck...” He sat back down and glanced over to her briefly and returned his gaze to the floor.

“That day, on the bridge when you didn’t come back. I—I didn't know what to do. I never had imagined that was possible. We— Do you remember the last thing you said to me?” He looked up at her searching for eye contact.

‘“See you in a minute’” she muttered and averted her stare away from him.

“It-it was as if we were all just doing the most casual thing in the world. Clint, he said— he said you traded your soul for the stone... what does that even mean? Natasha— did you really...?” Steve suddenly found his throat dry and he never felt less brave in his life, realizing he didn’t have the guts to say it, to ask her if she willingly jumped off the ledge of vormir.

“Do you remember the last thing you said to me?” She hardly gave him time to respond and continued onto make her point. “‘whatever it takes’ you said we had to do whatever it takes to get the stones, so I did exactly that, Whatever it took”.

She walked away without a glance or another word and found her way back into bed.

Steve remained staring at the bathroom tiles, still too shaken by the tricks his mind was playing on him. It was in this moment Steve truly understood that things were far from “okay”.


End file.
